Black Monday...

Yesterday was the worst ever. I am really weak today and am forgoing work tonight on the advice of my friend Denise. I am so hoping that last Friday was the final chemo for awhile. I think the toxicity is just building up too much and attacking everything else in my body. I am a strong lady and this sh_t is just bringing me down. I never miss work! Oh well, Chuck- Denise's husband - thinks I should just retire and play with him and his grandkids. Not a bad idea....

I think it is almost official....Karen from Kentucky is coming up for a weekend on the 22nd!!!! I just miss her so much. She was my next door neighbor in N'ville and our boys grew up together. Karen knows how to have fun and always cheers me up with her cards and gifts she sends in the mail. Just thinking about all of the fun times we have had makes me tear up. More later....

xoxo,
HTFM

Sending hugs your way!

Hi Helene, I'm sending you strength to make it through your next chemo on Friday. Then-chemo holiday. I think you should not be nervous about taking a break. You are going to be monitored all the time. It will be nice to hopefully feel better for a longer length of time. Nancy's mom has had a few holidays from her chemo and has had good results for a couple years now. If need be, she started it up again, then took a break when the doctors said so. You need to regain your strength!

I'm so proud of you! You have powered through this like a super woman with special strength. When you are feeling better, we need to go out and pamper you with a fancy dinner.

Hang in there this week! And remember, sleep when you need to, eat when you want to and smile lots-it helps. Oh, and a glass of wine once in a while does wonders!

Love ya sister, Julie

23 down and 1 to go!

I had my 23rd chemo treatment today....Linda took me and just in her "spare time" made choc./peanut butter bars and oatmeal apple bars- some for me and some for our fabulous nurses. I don't know how she gets everything done! At the drop of a hat, she was here on Tuesday to take me to the pain clinic at Edward's in Naperville. I was going to go by myself, but she drove over when she found out I was going that morning. Thank goodness, as I had a really awful Monday and was not feeling the greatest on Tues. The neuro doctors want to put cement in my back where the tumors are to separate the nerves that cause me pain. Then after this heals, another neuro doctor wants to go in and scrape or file off all of the stenosis in my lower back. The pain I have in my lower back is from back surgery I had 25 years ago. I would love to not have so much pain and not have to take so many pain pills. The pain pills also cause me to be tired and lethargic. So..... more dr. appts. to schedule and another CAT scan and MRI.

Doreen called me on Monday afternoon and from what I must have said to her, she said that she would drop off dinner around 6 pm. This was such a blessing, as the thought and smell of food was making me nauseous. Tyler and Rob come home starving and I had a nice meal for them. What a friend!

I was lucky to be able to go to Tyler's football game on Thursday. I ran all of my errands on Thursday and was really tired by the end of the day. It felt good to be able to do "regular" stuff.

Continue those prayers and positive thoughts!
xoxo,
HTFM

The Plan and the Party

Rob, Linda and I met with my dr. on Friday and here is the plan:

I had chemo this past Friday and will have 2 more treatments.

The week I am off I will have a CAT scan. If all is well... I will go off the Taxol (the main chemo drug with all of the nasty side effects) I will stay on the Avastin every other week, have a bone infusion drug once a month (like I currently do) and then have some kind of shot once a month. I am hoping that my energy level will return and maybe my hair, too! Then wait 2-3 months with monitoring of blood work, then recan to see if I can continue on maintenance meds. I am very nervous about going off the chemo....I am afraid the tumors may return- or come back in other places......I guess we have to take a chance.

So, I leave the dr. office and go back for chemo- to the room I usually have that has a view of the waterfall and has 2 windows. I opened the door and closed it becasue someone was in there! Low and behold it was Tia and Sharon- who with the help of Linda decorated the entire room in pink: pink balloons, pink circles on the wall (pealable) pink candy, pink cupcakes, pink presents, pink streamers, pink suckers, the list goes on! What a surprise and the best chemo day I ever had! Linda baked sweets and Tia made the ham" sammies" and Sharon got these to die for gooy pink cupcakes....I was vaclempted!!! Then the gifts! Tai had on this really cute pink sweatshirt that said "Pink- the color od courage" then Linda put hers on, Sharon who was dressed in pink went and got hers- then I got one! More later on the party....I am burning dinner.
xoxo,HTFM

Chemo and dr. day

I am sitting here, drinking my diet coke and eating my muffin- contemplating today and having chemo another round. I soooooo enjoyed feeling almost "normal" this week. I was able to go to our first bunco of the year and enjoyed seeing all my bunkettes- except for a few who were out. Last weekend I was able to go to Galena with 3 friends- Laura, Toni and Doreen to relax, shop and eat! Probably overdid it a little- as I slept until 10:30am on Mon. when Mollie Jo wanted to get up.

Rob is meeting Linda and I at the Cancer Center to go to my dr. appt. By now, my dr. should have gotten a note from my second opinion dr. at Rush. My dr. is a little more conservative and I am ok with that.

Well, Linda Sue will be here soon to drive Miss Daisy. Thanks for all of your support.
xoxo, HTFM

Thinking of You

Helene,
No matter what the doctor says tomorrow about whether or not you will continue chemo I want you to remember this: you WILL NOT give up, you WILL NOT be defeated and you WILL remain Helene the Fighting Machine. Taking a chemo vacation just means you get to really enjoy all of the holidays that are coming up.....plus, you have a birthday in November that we are going to celebrate to the fullest. We will eat so much chocolate that we will actually barf...how much fun does that sound?
Thinking of you always,
Tia

so so tired...

I just can not get over how tired I am all of the time. I have been sleeping in as late as 10:30 and feel like I could sleep all afternoon- even tho I go to bed around 10pm. I have to go in to work this afternoon and I am gonna need some kinda pick me up. Chocolate????? diet coke?????

I am really mulling over the decision about stopping chemo. This weighs on my mind almost 24/7. My main fear is tumors coming back in other places- like my organs. The cancer is in my spine and I deal with the pain with a mess of drugs. This accounts for some of the sleepiness- taking the pain medication. Rob would like me to go to a pain clinic to discuss some of the concerns we have. I guess he doesn't want an addict on his hands! nI just hate making more dr. appts.

I am grateful that I can attend Tyler's football games. He only has 1 per week- unlike Baseball where he could have 5-6 per week and more if they had a tournament. He only has about 6 weeks left and then he will be in training mode for baseball. He won't officially start practice until Jan. (indoors!)

We had a great meal last night thanks to Jenn. She walked in with the food at the same time we came home from football. Tyler just started eating right out of the containers as she set them down. Trying to feed a growing teenager who exerts so much energy is a challenge! I appreciate all Tia has done to get the meals on wheels for our family. It has really helped out more than you can imagine....

Please keep up the postive flow of energy and good karma.
xoxo,
HTFM